Today is the first day of April. It has been a year of learning, but more importantly, a time of putting into action the knowledge I believe is important in making my life what I want it to be. I have been in the process of examining beliefs that I hold, positive and negative, how these beliefs impact my life and changing the ones I want to change. This chapter tells the story of a man who did not believe in love.
This man thought that love did not exist. He had done a great deal of observation, research and was very convincing to anyone who wanted to listen. He compared relationships to that between a drug addict and the supplier of the drug. The one with the biggest need was like the addict and the one with the smallest, the provider. The one with the smallest need controls the whole relationship. The man summed it up by explaining that "love" is nothing but a fear relationship based on control.
Then of course, one day he met a woman. She did not believe that love existed either. She related her experience, how she and her husband had lost respect for each other, then there was no more love. This man and woman were so much alike, they became best friends, they respected each other and never put each other down, there was no control. The relationship kept growing.
When the man was away he began to think that love did exist, but it was not as he had thought it would be. He thought he was not responsible for her; he didn't want anything from her; he didn't want to control her; she doesn't need to take care of him; he didn't need to blame her for anything; he had fun with her; he was happy for her successes, etc. Perhaps love did exist. (I think you can see where this is going).
He spoke with her and found out she felt the same. They became lovers and lived together. But eventually the man put his happiness in her hands, he made her responsible for his happiness. Happiness never comes from outside of us. The author states that if you put your happiness in someone else's hands your relationship will fail. You have to take responsibility for your own happiness.
I read a book when I first graduated from college by Liv Ulmann called Changing.
She talked about not depending on another person for your own happiness and I remember thinking she was so right. This is not the way I grew up thinking. I bought into the whole fairy tale idea and I was disappointed many times. I had set myself up for failure, but didn't realize it at that time.
I picked up this book thinking it was going to talk about relationships between a man and a woman, which it does, but then again it always goes back to the relationship you have with yourself. I believe that I am a whole person by myself, I don't need someone to complete me. I do believe that a loving relationship with other human beings provide me with my greatest joy here on this Earth.
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